by Jade du Preez

Weeks from a birthday that will see her older than her mother ever was, Antoinette seeks two answers:

One- how to explain her Master's thesis on light as memory. And two- was her mother's death an accident or a suicide?

When a long-lost pen pal returns to her life, Antoinette is propelled closer to the truth.

Kyou, the top star of a gender-bending nabe bar, would sooner die than move into management. She needs an out, she needs cash, and, most importantly, she needs an identity. As an unregistered Mukoseki, she is a legal anomaly. Officially, Kyou doesn't exist.

Their searches for identity intertwine with the lives of a video-game obsessed businessman and a writer who refuses to speak. Across Japan and down to New Zealand, from neon-lit alleys to tiny islands, their journey towards the truth is as tangled as their pasts.

Fact and fable blur together in a rich tapestry that ultimately explores what it is to be human.


Content warning: Vomit & intentional vomiting, depression, suicide, suicide attempt & suicidal ideation, transphobia, mutism, cheating, self harm, homelessness, queerphobia.

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